Talking : Loud :: Saying : Nothing

the facile, the erudite, the conceptual, the trite

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Sarah Palin

Saturday 4 July 2009 - י"ג תמוז ה' תשס"ט by Nobody
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Progressives, like most people, believe that they are smarter than average and that intelligence, thoughtfulness and common sense inevitably lead to their own views. This isn’t so extraordinary, but the other side of it is that they believe conservatives are necessarily dumb (when evidence proves otherwise, they concede that a particular conservative might not be a fool but is consequently a knave).

I’ve seen this many, many, many times. The best example for a long time was Ronald Reagan, a man of above-average intelligence who was treated as a dolt by progressives. He actually knew a lot about many different topics at the time he started his political career and when he was governor and running for president - independently, because he read and researched a lot. But it was treated as common knowledge that he was a moron and, when reality proved otherwise, that he was suffering from Alzheimer’s long before he really was. George W. Bush is a much better example for my generation, and continues to make progressives make fools out of themselves while trying to make a fool out of him. He is not a stupid man - his intelligence is probably average, and there’s nothing at all wrong with having average intelligence plus excellent connections and social skills. But progressives played a big role in getting him elected twice by vastly (mis)underestimating who is is, what he’s all about and what he’s capable of. Most egregious might have been the “Curious George,” where he was made out to be about as intelligent as a monkey. Imagine what would have happened if someone had compared Barack Obama to a monkey.

Sarah Palin is not like Bush or Reagan in an important way: she actually is not bright. That makes things pretty difficult for her, and it hurts all the more that she doesn’t have the gifts of communication or relating to other people or wealthy, influential relatives that those guys had. But - and this is a big but - how much of a dimwit is she really? Is anyone out there prepared to say that she’s more than two standard deviations less intelligent than the mean? More than one SD? I’d guess her IQ is at least 90. That makes her very close in intelligence to most people, probably including me (I’ve never been tested) and you, and whoever else is reading this.

To continue claiming, half a year into the Obama administration, that Sarah Palin lost the election for McCain, is ridiculous. There are a million reasons for McCain to have lost and for Obama to have won, but before and after all of them, 2008 was always going to be the Democrats’ year. Even the extraordinary coincidence of their choosing an exceptionally strong candidate and the Republicans choosing an exceptionally weak one barely managed to budge the vast majority of the electorate who knew very long in advance how they’d vote.

I actually know a bunch of people (chief among them: my parents) who claim to have wanted to vote for McCain but ended up voting for Obama because of Palin. This is bullshit - there’s nothing wrong at all in preferring Obama to McCain because they’re both … well, I wouldn’t vote for either of them … but my parents are clever enough to be able to separate in their minds the roles and responsibilities of president and vice president, and the skills and qualities necessary for both, and divorce intelligence from them.

I am of the opinion that choosing Sarah Palin was the best decision McCain made during his entire doomed campaign. He had no chance of winning anyway, so in an honest-to-god attempt to win, the only thing he could really do was make wild risks. Palin was a huge risk and, whether or not she paid off by bringing some social conservatives into McCain’s camp, I think her selection reflects a sensible and realistic understanding that risky behavior is sometimes necessary. What kills progressives is to think that McCain was really, actually trying to win the election; they preferred him to all the other Republican candidates because he’s manifestly not a culture warrior and his links to social conservatism are quite tenuous. When he chose Palin instead of a progressive like, say, Joe Lieberman or a nihilist like Mitt Romney, McCain infuriated the progressives by signaling that he was in it to win it instead of just for shits and giggles.

The smear campaign that destroyed Sarah Palin’s reputation was classic progressive and was so easily engineered that it practically invented itself. But despite it all, I’m not convinced that she said and did more stupid things between late August and early November than anybody would have done in her situation. Most people are thinking stupid things most of the time, and if they are made to broadcast those thoughts publicly, they will look stupid. I feel pretty bad for Sarah Palin after all this. Sure, I would never vote for her. Of course, I wouldn’t even vote. But it is past time to let Sarah Palin go back to doing whatever it is that she does.

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Stupid job interview questions

Thursday 18 June 2009 - כ"ז סיון ה' תשס"ט by Nobody
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Stupid job interview questions … and the honest answers I wish I could give:

  • Tell me about yourself. Oh god! My name is Nobody and I’m looking for a job. Whatever else you need to know is on my CV, which is right in front of your blank, expressionless face. If that doesn’t satisfy you: my favorite color is blue; I have a dog; when I get out of this interview, I’m going to cry. There, are you happy?
  • Where do you see yourself in five years? Retch! Relaxing on a beach somewhere, filthy rich. Or: still slaving away for conspicuously dodgy internet companies. You decide.
  • Sell me something. Anything. Vomit! For sale: one immigrant in his late 20s with relevant experience in several internet companies, willing to work for money. Tell him what to do and he’ll do it. Some training may be required.

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Three things that annoy me about Iran

Tuesday 16 June 2009 - כ"ה סיון ה' תשס"ט by Nobody
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There are three things that bother me about Iran. I don’t mean Iran in general; only one thing would be necessary in that case, their insane and dangerous religion. What I’m talking about is a set of reactions to the ridiculous circus of an election they conducted recently and how the entire world is now being compelled to experience it.

First, I have got people left and right buzzing around me, complaining that this election was “stolen” and “fraudulent.” I’ve got news for you people: every election is stolen, and every election is a fraud. There is a rightful ruler of Iran and his name is Reza Pahlavi, aka Shah Reza II, or however he calls himself, and last time I checked, he lived with his wife and daughters in Potomac, Maryland. When the mullahs usurped power and threw out the current Shah’s father, it was totally illegitimate, so however they divide power among themselves and however they select someone to preside over their fraudulent government, it can never be legitimate.

Second, for all any of us know, maybe it’s true that Mousawi really did get more votes than Ahmadinejad. But for all any of us know, maybe he didn’t, and the figures reported by the mullahs’ election authority are correct. What concerns me is not so much the specific numbers, but the way that progressive and liberals in western countries think that their candidate must have won. How are they so sure? Did they go interview all the voters? Can they really vouch for the polling that was done before the election? They can’t imagine that perhaps the opinion polls were wrong, that they’re all shouting into an echo chamber that’s telling them exactly what they want to hear.

Third, in the grand scheme of things, Ahmadinejad and Mousawi agree on 99.9% of all issues. The matters up for debate in this election were miniscule and have far more to do with tone than with any substance. Maybe Mousawi would not promote Holocaust-denial quite to the extent that Ahmadinejad has done. But Iran is still going to get an atom bomb soon and it is still going to be ruled by some maniacal and fanatic monsters (barring a restoration, which I’d endorse) whose possession of such a weapon potentially endangers the entire planet and certainly threatens my life. Mousawi is no liberal. He is a terrible man, a mass murderer, a tyrant, a democrat in the nastiest sense. Even if it would make sense to interfere in Iranian politics and support a good candidate, Mousawi is not that candidate.

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Are Jews white?

Tuesday 16 June 2009 - כ"ה סיון ה' תשס"ט by Nobody
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I once met a girl here in Israel whose father was black and whose mother was Jewish. That is, her father was descended primarily from African slaves, dark-skinned, Christian and culturally a member of the black community in America, and her mother was light-skinned, descended from Ashkenazi Jews in eastern Europe and not culturally Jewish in any identifiable way. We got to talking about a television program we both enjoyed, Prison Break. It turned out that we liked it for different reasons. Hers was one of the leading actors, a man named Wentworth Miller, whom she appreciated even more because he was black. Take a look at these pictures of him and decide for yourself: is he black?

I’d watched every episode of the show up to that point and this guy seemed as white as they come. I asked this girl by what standard she considered him black. She replied that blackness is not just about how dark one’s skin color is. In the case of Wentworth Miller, he had some African ancestry and considered himself partially black, so therefore he was black, QED.

For kicks, I later steered the conversation toward “whiteness” and how I do not consider myself to be white. She was astounded. My skin is light! I look, well, like a white person! In response, I reminded her of what she’d said before about blackness. Whiteness, I retorted, is not just about how light one’s skin color is. In my case, I have only Jewish ancestry to my knowledge, and all my relatives who are older than I am experienced discrimination for not being white; plus I have never considered myself to be white, choosing to identify rather as a Jew who lives among Jews in my own country. Therefore I am not white. QED.

My poor interlocutor couldn’t wrap her head around what I was trying to tell her, and for all intents and purposes, our conversation was over (I think she was afraid that there were racist undertones in my explanation, but there weren’t, I swear). She had grown up in a suburb of New York and had been told her entire life that Jews are white. Her family experience was of having a white mother and a black father, not a Jewish mother and a black father. To some extent this is her mother’s fault and her maternal grandparents’, but society is also to blame. When she went out into the world, she was led to believe that there is some distinct black culture but no such white equivalent. In the absence of white culture, whiteness could not have any cultural component and was left entirely to determination by skin color.

I didn’t care much for this girl and consequently I put the whole experience out of my memory until I recently read Half Sigma’s discussion about some interesting issues: Why are white nationalists anti-Israel? and Jews are white. I’m attracted to these posts for several reasons. First, they are rich sources for Jewish identity construction, from which we can learn a lot about Jewishness and what it means to be a Jew. Second, they seek to address some truly confounding issues about Zionism and Israel.

Thus white nationalists seem to be actively working against their goals by being pro-Palestinian and anti-Israel.

My theory about why they do so is that Zionism has failed.

The point of Israel was to accept certain points that anti-semites made about the inaccessibility to Jews of true assimilation into European society. In a sense, Zionism took anti-semitism and turned it on its head. If enlightenment and emancipation wouldn’t make the Jews normal, the Jews could be normalized by redefining themselves as a national group and taking for themselves what other national groups had. What this meant, fundamentally, was that the Jewish exile needed to end. Israel couldn’t be created as a national home for the Jewish people while the United States, Birobidzhan and other places were simultaneously being hailed as national homes for the Jewish people.

I have communicated with a few “white nationalists” online with the idea of explaining Israel and Zionism to them and getting their informed reactions. What they’ve most commonly expressed to me is that people should live among their “race brothers,” and that Israel is as good a home for the Jews as any other country; they would endorse Zionism and Israel if all the Jews would move there and consider it their home. This hasn’t happened, notwithstanding my argument that a majority of the Jews already live in Israel and have lived here for some time; consequently, there’s nothing about Israel that should attract their support. Instead, being inclined to believe everything bad they hear about Jews, they lazily hate Israel.

Why don’t they just intermarry with their Arab neighbors. Seems like it’s a great idea for everyone except else, don’t know why they should be exempt.
Posted by: Kimberlite | June 12, 2009 at 01:59 PM

It probably is an acceptable solution for some majority/minority problems somewhere for the minority just to intermarry with the majority and disappear, but in this case, it wouldn’t work. The main reasons are that not all of us would agree to do it, so there would still be some of us here, still a distinct and unique Jewish identity and society; plus, the Jewish problem would still exist abroad and Israel would still be an attractive destination for Jews to come and establish their own country.

Judaism is a religion and not a race.

I’m not aware of any reason to believe that this statement is stronger than its opposite. One could make equally spurious arguments that Jewishness is racial/ethnic, religious, cultural or national, to the exclusion of all others, but that would get one nowhere. At the end of all the suspicious evidence, one would still be left with the understanding that the Jews are sui generis - not quite exactly a race, ethnicity, religion, culture or nation like any other group. The only thing it proves when someone says, “Judaism is a religion and not a race,” is what he wants Judaism to be.

Jews can be of any race, even black

It’s strange to see this argument from a guy who’s trying to convince us that Jews are white, but sure, of course they can. The blackest of black Africans can convert to Judaism and be as Jewish as the next guy. But when he’s done that, he’ll have left his old identity behind and become a Jew in every sense (except genetic). He will no longer be Congolese or Sudanese, he’ll be Jewish. Actualizing his Israeli citizenship will be only a matter of bureaucracy. He will be one of us. But this addresses one individual’s case and doesn’t really explain anything about the group. When you look at populations and communities, it appears time and again that Jews share something more in common than beliefs. What is that thing?

[An] overwhelming majority of Jews in the United States are Ashkenazi Jews, which just means Jews from Europe (excluding Spain), and they are white just like other Europeans. If you think that Spaniards are white, then you would also conclude that Sephardic Jews from Spain are white.

It does not follow at all that Jews whose ancestors lived in Spain a thousand years ago are white because Spanish people are white. The community of Jews who lived in Spain then was not descended genetically from the Visigoths, from the Romans or from any other group of people that controlled the Iberian peninsula. There is good evidence to suggest that their intermarriage with these other groups was minimal (but those who stayed after the expulsion did intermarry extensively and their descendants consequently are not Jews of any kind). To say that Spaniards are white is simply a matter of extending one’s concept of whiteness southward from northern Europe toward the Mediterranean. But to say that the descendants of Spanish Jews are white is to define whiteness so broadly that it loses all meaning.

Only white nationalists and Stormfront types insist that Ashkenazi Jews aren’t white, and that’s because they hate Jews but love whites, so they need some sort of rationalization for the inconsistency.

Add me to the white nationalists and Stormfront types who don’t think Ashkenazim are white. And go ahead and add both of my grandfathers. Both of them wanted to study architecture in college, but were not allowed to do so because architecture was considered a profession for white people, and they were Jewish (with light skin, of course), not white. They went on to some success in their typically Jewish professions, accounting and pharmacy.

A year ago, Steve Sailer posted a 3-D chart showing how Ashkenazi Jews cluster genetically when compared to other ethnicities, and it’s clear from the chart that Jews are similar to Russians and Western Europeans, and quite dissimilar from Middle Eastern ethnicities such as Druze, Samaritans, and Yemenites.

With all respect to Steve Sailer and his graph, I don’t understand the science and can’t argue with it, but I can cite other studies that tend to disagree. One is the study that observes a certain “Cohen” modal haplotype that shows male populations of Jewish cohanim are more genetically close to each other than to their host populations, no matter what countries they may be from.

Actually, with respect to the graph above, I do think I have a bone to pick with it. The middle eastern populations it gives are Yemenites, Druze and Samaritans. Both Druze and Samaritans are widely believed to have originated elsewhere and not to be representative genetically of the areas in which they live now. Yemenites, of course, are southern Arabians and can not be expected to be genetically similar to Jews because the Jewish people originated in the Levant, which is separated from southern Arabia by a vast and impenetrable desert. In short, this graph is ridiculous. How about a graph comparing, say, Jews from Russia and Jews from Morocco to Russians from Russia and to Moroccans from Morocco? My hunch is that the graph will show three clusters: Jews from Russia and Morocco in one cluster, Russians in another cluster, and Moroccans in a third cluster. Of course, as I said, I’m no geneticist, so what do I really know?

You shouldn’t even need the chart to figure out that Jews are white, because common sense should inform you that you can’t tell the difference between Jews and other Europeans. It’s true that some Jews have a Jewish look about them, but Italians have an Italian look about them, Irish have an Irish look about them, and Poles have a Polish look about them, but those European ethnicities are rarely accused of not being white.

Ok, let’s say that Jews have a Jewish look, Italians have an Italian look, Nigerians have a Nigerian look, Koreans have a Korean look and Sri Lankans have a Sri Lankan look. “Common sense” tells us that we can tell the difference between an Italian, a Nigerian, a Korean and a Sri Lankan, so why not also a Jew? Mind you, I’m not pretending that I can tell a light-skinned Jew from a light-skinned Italian or Polack. But I bet almost any Italian can tell the difference between an Italian and an Italian Jew, almost any Polack can tell the difference between a Polack and a Polish Jew, and so on. Actually, this phenomenon has been described over and over again, not only by Jews but also by gentiles who have tried to address the issue in depth. Matti Golan is one person who mentions it, and Jean-Paul Sartre is another. Both explain that there are as many Jewish “types” as there are places where Jews live, and that one person’s idea of a Jewish type may not have any resemblance to another person’s idea of the same, but that they are both Jewish types, and both will be able to identify with ease Jews from their own communities. People who have lived their entire lives in America might not realize this, because American Jews have made such a tremendous effort not only to assimilate into American society, but also to assimilate each other.

No one is better at identifying other Jews than Jews themselves, and Jews usually can’t tell whether or not someone looks Jewish.

Obviously this is a matter of opinion and personal experience, but in my opinion and personal experience, most Jews have an idea in their heads of what a Jew looks like, and they assume that people who look like that are Jewish. At the same time, most Jews have also known enough Jews who didn’t fit that appearance to realize on some conscious level that their assumptions aren’t good enough to pick a Jew out of a crowd. But again, dealing with an individual isn’t the issue and doesn’t address it. I bet if you were to take a random group of 100 American Jews and another random group of 100 American gentiles, it would be so easy to tell them apart that success would approach 100%. Once again, the issue with genetics and with personal appearance isn’t so useful when applied to an individual, and it only becomes useful when dealing with large groups.

I remember an organization in the Phoenix area which threw parties for Jewish singles, and they would always ask at the door, “are you Jewish?” The reason they had to ask the question is because they can’t tell by looking. It’s hard to imagine a black organization asking at the door, “are you black?”

This proves a couple things:

  1. First, and least germane, Chabad is less concerned about tact than they are about mekareving people to believe in their false messiah. If a black organization was throwing parties for black people, and a light-skinned person showed up to boogie down, the black people would just go talk to that white-looking person. They’d ask him about his friends, what kind of music he likes, what neighborhood he grew up in - anything like that. If the guy then proceeded to talk about growing up in Harlem and enjoying fried chicken every Sunday after attending his local AME church, they’d realize that he is “black,” but just happens to have had enough mixed ancestry to confuse other people. This works because most black people have manners. Chabad doesn’t feel like they have time for manners, so they don’t go about this circuitous route.
  2. Second, Jewishness is not like blackness for some reason or group of reasons. How is that? We already know it - blackness is based on genes, culture and skin tone (I separate genes and skin tone to account for albinos of African ancestry who are black in every way except their white skin). Jewishness is based in part on genes, culture, nationhood, religion, etc, etc, but not skin tone. You can’t convert from black to Jewish; the two aren’t analogous except in the warped American experience of minority group politics - the very same politics that makes Jews white when it suits white people.
  3. Third, physical stereotypes or archetypes can not be usefully applied to individuals. I’m sure the Chabad guys who stood at the door of that party in Arizona and the ones in Washington Square and everywhere else all had a good idea of what a Jew looked like. But I’m also sure they’d have hated to miss a Jew whose parents were converts or who just happened to come out looking particularly Nordic. That’s because their mission is to reach all Jews. They are willing also to reach some gentiles, maybe even a lot of gentiles, in order to reach Jews. Hence the parties.

I don’t know of any Ashkenazi Jews who consider themselves anything other than white.

That’s not surprising, since whiteness is known to confer certain advantages in American society. But all it reflects is that, a generation or two ago, the barriers to whiteness were lowered considerably and Jews, who’d wanted for so long to be white, finally found it convenient to identify themselves that way. If you once suffered discrimination for not being white, and suddenly realized that the rules had changed and you could be considered white without having to “pass” or misrepresent yourself, wouldn’t you just go along and call yourself white?

There are many Jews who, when asked their ethnicity, say that they’re Jewish, but I don’t say that. I tell people I’m half Russian and half Polish. I would encourage more Jews to identify themselves that way.

It’s fine to say that, but I think it’s deceptive and that authentic Russians and Polacks would disagree. They might even find it offensive. Certainly most Russians do not consider the Jews among them to be Russian. Otherwise, they could have been “Russian” on their Soviet identity cards.

[I]f you have one or more great-grandparents born in Poland, then you have a legitimate claim to Polish ancestry.

Not true at all. Polishness is something that exists independently of physical presence in Poland. Not totally independently, but somewhat. If a Chinese man and woman move to Poland and have a child, who then moves to China, that child’s great-grandchildren are totally Chinese and not Polish at all. Of course, citizenship is a different issue altogether - the Polish state can offer citizenship to anyone it wants and is assumed to do so for its own reasons, but that doesn’t change what a person is or isn’t. If Germans live in an area that is considered Germany one year and Poland the next, but they continue speaking German and going to a Lutheran church, being German in every way except that “Poland” has encroached upon them, can we not consider them far more German in every meaningful way than Polish?

Ok, I’m done writing about this and have plenty of other things to complain about, but I’d be interested to know what other people think.

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Derrida movie

Tuesday 16 June 2009 - כ"ה סיון ה' תשס"ט by Nobody
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Years and years ago, I read a review of the movie Derrida, which I considered at the time to the be funniest movie review I’d ever seen. Then I promptly forgot about it. Who remembers funny movie reviews, anyway?

Fast forward to 2009. Somehow this review popped back into my head, so I used my advanced 21st century technology to download the movie (thank you, Bit Torrent). And … I finally watched it!

First of all, Derrida is a horrid, hideous jerk and joke of a person. He is just a dumpy, dreary old man. Maybe he wasn’t always so old, but I can’t imagine him any less dumpy and dreary when he was my age.

It’s absolutely right and amazingly on point that he is just a word association artist, and a shoddy one at that. How could anybody take this guy seriously? It’s bad enough that they do, but here in this movie there are people worshiping this utter nihilist like something divine!

When I watched the movie, I was shocked by what I consider to be the sheer Talmudicity, for lack of a better word, of his pseudo-philosophical offerings, especially in the creation of problems that don’t really exist and then the excessive effort required to solve those problems. Interestingly, the movie manages to give visual and physical effect to Derrida’s commentary on commentary on commentary on commentary.

From reading the review, I was eager to see for myself what Derrida would say about the topic “love.” All his analysis and “deconstruction” only proved that he was unable to answer a simple question.

Also: the funniest scene in the movie was when he was so embarrassed about having those Anne Rice novels that he had to lie about how he got them. Has he never heard of a guilty pleasure, or does he really think that he’s that special? The scariest scene in the movie was when his brother came on and revealed that he has been completely duped. It’s one thing to trick some strangers who don’t know better, but I don’t think I could ever fool my own brother with a sham like that.

I’m going to admit something. I actually started watching this movie a month ago, but couldn’t get past the first few scenes, and was only able to watch it by ingesting hashish (via brownie, the perfect conduit). I would never have been able to find Derrida’s stupid inanities funny without chemical assistance.

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Gay studies

Monday 8 June 2009 - י"ז סיון ה' תשס"ט by Nobody
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Did you ever worry that, notwithstanding the overrepresentation of homosexuals and homosexual themes in works of art and literature due to homosexuals’ critical distance and exceedingly good taste, as well as the ridiculous amount of effort and funds wasted trying to figure out whether homosexuality is caused by nature or nurture (hint: both), we all just don’t know enough about it?

I didn’t, but if you did, I think Harvard University might be the place for you. Once you’re a Harvard student, you’ll will be able to complete a degree in GAY STUDIES! And what are the requirements for such a degree? Part of me doesn’t want to speculate, but then another part of me - the same part that used to want to watch COPS all the time - can’t resist. Students enrolled in the gay studies program will take gay history, in which they will learn that all sorts of historical figures were actually homosexuals. Genghis Khan? He was a homosexual, and if you don’t believe me, just watch this video (WARNING: this video is filled with freakish Germans and may not be suitable for children) -

Henry VIII? Homosexual - why else do you think he hated all his wives? George Washington? Homosexual - I don’t have to tell you what “cherry tree” is a euphemism for… After gay history, there is of course gay science (not the same thing that Nietzsche wrote about). Gay science is kind of like evolutionary biology/psychology except its purpose is to demonstrate that whatever progressives want you to believe about homosexuality is scientific fact. Gay art, music and literature are of course also included, but so many creative people are homosexuals already that gay studies students won’t notice much a difference from what their straight studies peers also study. Then, of course, the entire senior year is devoted to gay design. Gay studies seniors will specialize in either fashion design or interior design, interning with a designer of their choice, preferably one with spiky hair and flexible wrists.

Sorry, that was fun for a minute until I got carried away.

Why gay studies? Because homosexuality is ready to become its own academic discipline, of course. Evidently gender studies has just too rigid and stultifying, much as women’s studies once was for gender studies.

In a way, being able to get an academic degree in whatever-your-group-is-called followed by the word “studies” is a sign that your group is finally crossing from marginal to central interest in polite society. I don’t know whether the Jews or the Blacks thought of this first, but I do know that Jewish studies is where you go in college if you’re Jewish and you just don’t want to learn anything more than the bare minimum. And this is in a discipline that is actually responsible for a great deal of scholarship and that got started because actual scholars couldn’t take a class in the history of the Holocaust. I can only imagine … no, I dare not even imagine … the vast intellectual wasteland that is black studies. And now, after spending more than five minutes thinking about homosexuals, it occurs to me to feel sorry for them. Have they not already been through enough? Do they really need to go from permanently fashionable to an average in-today-out-tomorrow group with a “… studies” department?

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My favorite Obama video

Monday 8 June 2009 - י"ז סיון ה' תשס"ט by Nobody
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Just kidding. Like the evil stench of a white man, the reputation of this racist video about Obama preceded its arrival in my inbox by more than a day and invariably via the Twitter. If you haven’t watched it yet, you may as well do so now:

To everyone complaining that drunken “man on the street” interviews don’t accurately reflect a society’s opinions, that may well be true, but at least in this case, I believe the two documentarians very adequately captured most Israelis’ opinion about Obama. That’s right, most Israelis are crudely racist and … I can’t remember my replacement word for the dimwitticism “homophobic,” but they’re that.

They’re also stupidest about the subjects that they think they know the best, like the girl in the video who’s majoring in political science and is a perfect explanation for why most people should not go to college.

I don’t ever talk to Israelis about American politics for too many reasons to name, but they’re always trying to engage me in a conversation about the relative merits and demerits of Obama. I mean the fashionable people I know in Tel Aviv. Every single one of them thinks he’s the funniest guy in the room since he’s come up with a joke based on Obama’s skin color. Come on, you don’t think a million people quietly asked themselves if it’s permissible for a black man to live in the White House before quietly chuckling and then pretending it never happened?

The guy who thinks that this sort of thing would never happen in Tel Aviv is a dumbass. Florentine is not Tel Aviv; it is approximately to Tel Aviv what Williamsburg was to New York ten years ago. No one lives in Florentine who has an ounce of taste and can afford to live elsewhere. Go to a drum circle in Florentine and ask the same questions about Obama and you may not get the same answers, but the answers you do get will be even more stupid. “Obama is J*sus” and “Obama for prime minister of Israel” are approximately the kind of things that the Florentine drum circle crowd would say about Obama if asked. In its own way, blind love for Obama because one of his parents was African is as racist as blind hatred of him for the same reason.

But I wanted to make a point about Jerusalem. Those drunk American Jewish kids really do express Jerusalem’s opinion rather well. Maybe you won’t find it repeated so eagerly along the Baka-German Colony-Nahlaot axis, at least until you get them drunk, but you can easily hear things like that in Jerusalem all the time. Most of all, one third of Jerusalem’s population is Arabs, and they are more racist than anyone, anywhere. It’s Arabs who despise black Africans with the same vigor that southern Americans did a hundred years ago. The next time these guys want to make a video, I suggest they go to Arab cities and ask some intoxicated locals for their opinions. And they should get ready to be blown away.

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10 Things to Toss

Saturday 9 May 2009 - ט"ז אייר ה' תשס"ט by Nobody
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The dominant daily newspaper of a town in which I once briefly resided has made a list of “ten things to toss.” Here they are, with my comments:

  • Academic Tenure. Fukayama’s argument against tenure is excellent, and I absolutely agree that tenure should be eradicated. But he’s wrong to claim that it’s based on a good idea. In fact, academic tenure is based on the incredibly stupid idea that there should be very high barriers to entry to become a college professor and that there should be no incentive for professors not to say things that are insane and foolish. This is as totally an ass-backwards approach to teaching as it is to life. There should be low artificial barriers to entry for anyone to enter any profession - but big incentives to think, speak and write with caution and wisdom. Yes, a professor of economics who’s a socialist should be fired.
  • The Term “Muslim World”. It’s true that “the Muslim World” has to go, but something else has to go, and that something is the Muslim World. Islam is the single most dangerous ideology on earth today, far more threatening directly and indirectly than progressivism is or communism and fascism were. Every non-Muslim who cares to preserve his own liberty and life should be anti-Muslim, as I am. Muslims should be encouraged to find some other way to identify themselves and organize their affairs, or they should be prepared to accept the outcome of the struggle that their religion imposes on them and on us.
  • The NAACP. It’s true that the NAACP is holding back black people from integrating more fully into American life, but this presupposes that the singular goal of black Americans is to integrate. I don’t think that’s the case. Like any other group, black people want to eat their cake and to have it. They want all the benefits of a color-blind America while still retaining a special pride and group identity. In that way, they’re exactly like the Jews and a lot of immigrant groups. Organizations like the NAACP might be doing a good job of promoting “black pride” in a way that isn’t threatening to other Americans.
  • The Nobel Prize in Literature. This is a popular critique, and one I’ve shared ever since learning that Faulkner was awarded a Nobel Prize in Literature back in the 1950s. As much as I can’t stand Faulkner, however, he is a literary giant compared to the pygmies who have been getting the prize lately. Everyone knows it’s 90% politics and 10% literary merit. A while back, someone passed to me a list of people who won the prize by year, versus the people who should have gotten the prize for each year. I wish I could find it again.
  • The Prom. This is exceedingly dumb. So a lot of people have a bad time at the prom? Maybe they shouldn’t go if they don’t think they’ll enjoy it. I went to two proms when I was 17 and 18 with two different girls, neither of whom was my girlfriend, and I drank responsibly and had a good time at both. No, not that good a time, but good enough that I can look back happily on the fading memories. If there had been a “morp” scheduled on a different night than prom, I would have gone to that as well, because what’s wrong with a good casual party? The argument that money spent on prom could be better spent elsewhere is spurious. One could make the same claim about the money spent on NASA, professional sports, or elections.
  • Larry Summers. Larry Summers’ ideas about economics are wrong, but can anyone seriously say that he’s more wrong than the average economist, or that he’d be more wrong than the person who’d replace him in our pantheon of “wunderkinder”? I really doubt it. Naomi Klein, however, is a total moron.
  • Television. Everything Farhad Manjoo writes is worth my attention. I agree that television is on its way out. The first time in my life I didn’t have a television was my first semester at college. I was miserable not watching Jeopardy! and the news every night, so my parents got me a small television that I used for the next few years. Then I didn’t have television for four years after I moved to Israel. It sucked, but mainly because I could never watch football. Now I have a television, but it’s not football season and I haven’t turned it on since February, except to watch movies and programs that I downloaded. In the past, let’s say, two months, I’ve watched hundreds of hours on this television set, and zero hours of it has been piped through the cables that I pay for.
  • The Vice Presidency. I can’t think of any reason to get rid of the vice presidency while keeping the presidency, but why not change the system back to how it was intended? Instead of presidential and vice presidential candidates running on a ticket together, let the runner-up in the presidential election become the vice president. I bet a lot of people would actually support this idea.
  • West Point. I know next to nothing about the US military, so I can’t agree or disagree about closing West Point. But I have a hunch that this guy proposes it, and a lot of progressives would support it, because they know that universities in America are under almost perfect progressive domination and that the military is the one prominent institution not dominated by progressives. Of course they would want to take over the education of future military officers. And of course they shouldn’t be allowed to.
  • The White House Press Corps. This seems to make pretty good sense. In my experience, the average journalist is a grandstanding, showboaty asshole, so I can only assume that the exceptional journalists who are awarded a chance to cover the White House are even more so than the rest. Let them go do some work that’s valued.

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Tax Warfare

Sunday 19 April 2009 - כ"ו ניסן ה' תשס"ט by Nobody
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What was I saying about governments using taxation as a form of social engineering / behavior modification? Here it is again: get ready for the soda tax.

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Baptism by traffic accident

Saturday 18 April 2009 - כ"ה ניסן ה' תשס"ט by Nobody
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I’ve been reading the news about Israel for more than 15 years, and in that time I’ve counted exactly three different news stories about Israel. That’s right, there are only three different pieces of news about Israel and they’re just rewritten over and over again with different particulars and no one seems to notice. Here they are:

  • The conflict. There’s a terrible conflict in the Middle East. Either we don’t know who started it, in which case we think they should all just stop fighting, or we think a particular side started it, in which case the whole world has to start supporting the other side, because they’re the good guys. This is about 99% of all the stories about Israel, in a nutshell. Congratulations, you can throw away your newspapers and not feel like you’re missing anything.
  • Progressive garden of Eden. Can you imagine a country where socialists are in total control of everything, where communes are actually admired, where the light-skinned people actually send planes to rescue the black-skinned people from starvation in Africa, where there are more PhD’s per capita than anywhere else, where there are an insane number of high tech and biotech patents, where there were more trees at the end of the 20th century than at the beginning, where every home has a solar panel, that’s going to have a national system of electric cars very soon? That country is Israel, and it’s full of JEWS! This is about .95% of all the stories about Israel. If you’ve seen this, you are probably a Jew or an evangelical Christian and it probably arrived as an email forward.
  • Party central. Can you imagine a city that’s kind of like Europe, with beautiful tree-lined avenues and a beach, and a port, and very inexpensive restaurants that are still pretty good, and that’s full of people in their 20s who are extremely physically attractive and who party all night long, every night of the week, and then wake up in the morning and found internet companies that get sold for a billion dollars? That city is Tel Aviv and it’s full of JEWS! This is the remaining .05% of stories about Israel.

Since I’ve already read all the news there is to read about Israel, and since I never read op/eds anyway, I have no problem admitting that I skipped David Brooks’ article about Israel in the Times. But then no fewer than three people alerted me to it, and I felt a strong desire to write about it here.

David Brooks’ article has also been written many times. It’s been in many of Etgar Keret’s stories. It’s been in many of my emails and blog posts and conversations. It’s been on the tongues and in the photographs and memories of many people who have come to Israel to visit for a week or two, for a summer, for a semester, for a year, and of the many people who’ve moved here from the relatively civilized western countries.

It’s about how weird and different Israel is from what we westerners know and expect. It’s about how Israelis are rude, but not rude in a way that indicates a lower class person (excuse me, individual from a challenged socio-economic bracket). It’s about the sabra mentality and how different it is from the normal mentality.

Sabra is a cactus fruit that’s hard on the outside and soft on the inside. The founders of this country saw that as a perfect metaphor for the type of person they wanted to create, the “new Jew” (or the “Israeli,” or the “Hebrew”). They have been unbelievably successful. I have argued many times, and will for a long time continue arguing, that the Israeli ethos is essentially Russian - but not Russian from the modern immigration from the former USSR. I mean that our ethos is fin de siecle Russian and revolutionary Russian. The kibbutzim, the early folk songs and dances, some of the foods, the bureaucracy, the manners and mannerisms, of Israel up to the 50s are all so Russian (and central European). Then Israel became a middle eastern country almost overnight when assimilating the huge populations of immigrants who were expelled from Muslim countries. In many ways they changed Israel for the better and in some ways for the worse, but they largely reinforced the way we treat each other and how we present ourselves to others and to the world at large: the sabra mentality.

I should add that the idea of the sabra was not the only one floating around in the 20s-40s about what Israelis should be like. Jabotinsky, whose ideas tended to be ridiculed or ignored by the shapers of public opinion, proposed that our youth should be trained to act in the spirit of hadar, which is nobility and dignity, and in the spirit of tagar (a word he coined), which means rising to confront a challenge (etgar). In brief, Jabotinsky’s idea was the exact opposite of the sabra: he wanted us to be soft on the outside, bending and accommodating, impeccable manners, clean appearance, quiet voice - and hard on the inside, totally dedicated to the struggle, fierce when necessary, never compromising the ideal.

A sabra is exactly the person who will rush to an argument over nothing for no reason. He does it because he is hard on the outside, because he feels that someone may have given him an unfriendly look, and he doesn’t allow anyone to give him an unfriendly look. Sabra women love to be mistreated by men and sabra men love to mistreat women. A sabra is also the person who will become emotionally attached to the notion of helping a random stranger, and won’t let go, because he’s soft on the inside. He’ll even get in a fight to protect the stranger that he’s decided to help.

This duality is insanely common in Israel, and Brooks’ telling of it almost captures what it feels like. But he’d get it better if he were an immigrant. Because then he’d be riding in a taxi one day, and the taxi driver would try to rip him off, either by refusing to turn the meter on or by taking a circuitous route. Or by pulling another asinine taxi driver trick, like refusing to go all the way to the destination, or trying to stop for additional passengers. And then Brooks would start to argue, because the most important double lesson to learn about living in Israel is that a) if you have a right to something, you have to take it, and b) if you want something, you have to ask for it. The taxi driver would pull out every play from the taxi driver handbook, blaming it on a miscommunication, threatening to go to the cops, pleading that he has a family to feed. And then suddenly he’d stop and turn around, and he and Brooks would be brothers. He’d talk to Brooks about how great it is that he moved to Israel, how he has an attractive daughter looking for a husband, how Brooks should come over for Shabbat dinner. That is what it’s like to interact with a sabra - hard on the outside and soft on the inside. You see, you have to attack every one of them with an ice pick before you can get an ounce of humanity. But then they come gushing with their nauseating excess friendliness when all you want is a taxi driver who’ll play by the rules and not screw you over.

Living in Israel is full of trade-offs. You will get cut off while driving and run right off the road. But a hundred people will stop to help you out if you’ve been in an accident, and most of them will invite you to Shabbat dinner. You will be treated like shit all the time, right up to the point when you get treated like a king. Then it’s back to being treated like shit.

This is a deeply, deeply familiar society. If you don’t want your neighbors, friends, random acquaintances, coworkers and everyone else to know exactly how much money you make and how much your apartment costs, you’re going to have a hard time adjusting. I know I did. I’ll never forget the day when someone asked me how much I paid in rent, and I said that it’s not considered tactful where I come from to discuss money, and he said … “What does ‘tact’ mean?” But on the other hand, I have no problem going up to attractive looking females in the supermarket and asking them to explain the difference between different dairy products, and then getting their numbers. This pickup shtick works because they don’t think it’s weird to be approached and asked to explain something like that. Try doing that in New York, and see if they don’t reply, “None of your fucking business!”

The familiarity of Israel, by the way, is another reason why we’re so quick to abuse each other and then so quick to hug and make up as if it never happened. It’s quite exactly the way people treat their family members abroad.

The worst aspect of the familiarity of Israeli society is that the expression “it’s who you know, not what you know,” is taken to an absurd extreme here. If you want to get a decent job - you’d better have some good friends of friends of friends to pass your CV along, because plenty of good jobs aren’t even advertised. If you want credit at the bank - you’d better have a good relationship with your personal banker, because if she doesn’t know you and know you’re good for it, you are shit out of luck. Every benefit in Israel goes to the people with connections, and in many cases these connections are passed down from generation to generation, or cultivated in the army. That’s why many western immigrants to Israel don’t succeed in their absorption - they’re trying too hard to treat normal things, like depositing a check, or applying for a job, like they would operate in the US.

Finally, one thing Brooks mentioned but ought to have explained further is his assertion that the status system here “consists of trying to prove you are savvier than everybody else, that above all you are nobody’s patsy.” By “patsy,” he obviously means the word “frayer” or “frier,” which is of Germanic origin but comes from the vernacular of the Russian underworld and means a “mark,” as in someone whose wallet is hanging out and is therefore a mark for thieves (the use of the English term “sucker” for “frayer” is explained very well in the translator’s note at the back of volume one of Solzhenitsyn’s Gulag Archipelago). Since about my third week in Israel, I have understood that the number one absolute most important goal of every Israeli at every moment is not to be made into a frayer. This is the savage and uncivilized attitude that I am speaking about when I complain that Israel is not a civilized country in the sense that the United States is. Not to be made into a frayer means that one must always be making someone else into a frayer, either by paying your employees less than they’ve earned, or by cutting off other drivers on the highway, or by “saving places” in line at the supermarket, or by parking your car on the sidewalk, not picking up after your dog, throwing your trash on the ground, closing off access to a public beach, and all of the thousands of things we do to each other, some of them petty and some of them felonious, but all of them ungodly, irritating, degrading and decivilizing.

David Brooks had his baptism by traffic accident - that is great! But I have been through many of the “sacraments” of living in Israel, in some cases many times each. I encourage him, and everyone else, to come here and experience them all, because if you can survive this and remain a patient and civil person, you will have a lot to brag about.

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